FREE: HOW TO LIVE WITH A NEUROTIC CAT by Stephen Baker (HB/DJ-VGC)

The listing, HOW TO LIVE WITH A NEUROTIC CAT by Stephen Baker (HB/DJ-VGC) has ended.

How to Live with a Neurotic Cat by Stephen Baker
(HB/DJ-VGC)

“And then God created a furry lump which for lack of a better name He called the Cat. He looked at His creation and shook His head. It wasn’t exactly what He had in mind….With not a moment to spare upon its arrival on earth, the cat curled up and went {back} to sleep.”

Does your cat insist on plenty of space-- like the entire living room? If your home is not big enough for both your dog and your cat, you have two choices. (1) Get rid of the dog. (2) Get a bigger house.

6:02 a.m. – Owner shoves cat off the bed. Cat bounces back like a rubber ball, landing smack on owner’s face.
6:40 p.m. – Owner sits down in his easy chair to read the evening paper. Cat parks himself across the center spread
6:41 P.M. – Owner pushes cat off 
6:42 p.m. – Cat jumps back
6:43 p.m. – Owner pushes cat off
6:44 p.m. – Cat jumps back
6:45 p.m. – Owner pushes cat off and moves to couch hoping for a chance to read his paper.
6:46 p.m. – Cat follows him and jumps in his lap
6:47 p.m. – Owner pushes cat off.
6:48 p.m. – Cat jumps back, tearing paper in half.

HOW TO FEED YOUR NEUROTIC CAT:
- WRONG WAY: Kibbles, Water. Yeah right! AS IF!
- RIGHT WAY: Squid Sashimi; Crabmeat Mousse with Beluga Caviar; Salmon Soufflé; Tuna Fish Sherbet; Stuffed Baby Quail with Crayfish Tails; Foie Gras Truffles with Crème Fraiche. DINNER - be determined.

HOW TO TRAIN YOUR NEUROTIC CAT TO "JUMP":
Step 1: Pick up your cat carefully. Avoid eye contact.
Step 2: Lift cat gently over obstacle.
Step 3: Say “Jump, Cat.” 
Step 4: Put cat down.
TA-DA! Success!

HOW TO BATHE YOUR NEUROTIC CAT:
Don't. If you still insist, a wet suit complete with face mask is highly recommended. Full body armor is ideal.

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